Weird Habits of Vegans

Where’s your will to be weird?
— Jim Morrison
weird vegan habits and this funny looking squash

As if being vegan does not already make you a little bit strange, I have noticed a few quirks that go along with it. Most of these are based off of my own habits, and not to scare anyone away, but, I feel like the longer I’ve been vegan the stranger my behavior has gotten.

 

 

1.Bringing snacks everywhere. “ A vegan walks into a Walmart...carrying a platter of sweet potato and tofu covered in cinnamon.”

That is the true story of how I officially became a Walmart weirdo. One of the employees even mentioned that in their two years of working in the world’s capital of bizarre behavior they had never seen anyone do that.

What can I say? If you know there will not be many menu options where you are going you may as well pack something that you will enjoy. I’ve also been known to bring oatmeal to the movie theaters but that’s another story...

  

2. Putting beans where they don’t belong. Vegans put beans in everything from burgers to brownies to cookies. Considering how nutritious and economical they are: why not?

  

3. A fascination with cheese. It’s so...melty.

  

4. Thorough knowledge of everything you don’t eat. When you first become vegan you will be reading the ingredient lists of all your former favorites. Red 40, gelatin, casein, castoreum, lanolin, carmine, none of these are vegan; but you wouldn’t know it at first glance. Can you guess which one of these comes from a beaver’s anus?

 

5. Making mock versions of food. Beyond the bean burgers, zucchini “zoodles”, tofu mayonnaise, cashew cheese, eggless quiche, and chickenless nuggets are all popular by vegan demand.

  

6. DIY experimentation. Whether it’s shampoo or soy milk, if I find out there is a way to do it at  home, I will try. I am not always successful. With my soy milk I ended up saving a ton of money in the long run; with my shampoo I ended up with funky smelling hair.

 

7. Using food as beauty products. It is a more natural approach. I also like this because many beauty products have been tested on animals or contain animal products, and it is not always apparent.

  

8. Trying to recycle everything. I have been using the same plastic sandwich bags for months. I will also carry around plastic water bottles until I can find a recycling bin.

 

  9. Referring to food as the animal it comes from. This is pretty obnoxious and you won’t make many friends doing it. But, sometimes when my brothers tease me for eating “magic shrooms and grass” I will remind them that they are grilling up “slabs of cow” or scrambling a hearty breakfast of “pig and chicken fetus”...it’s a sibling thing.

 

10. Being amused by the thought of eating animal crackers. I like to bite the heads of first.